


Farewell to a Rose

by Air_Quiet_Reader



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Goodbyes, Hurt and comfort, Parent-Child Relationship, Post-"I Am My Monster"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:07:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23383543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Air_Quiet_Reader/pseuds/Air_Quiet_Reader
Summary: As Steven prepares to leave home and journey the country, he carefully plans his farewells. He knows it will be difficult, but he feels ready.But there is one goodbye that he especially fears. A goodbye that holds a special, dread-filled place in his heart.“Hi, Mom. We should talk.”
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Rose Quartz & Steven Universe
Comments: 33
Kudos: 151





	Farewell to a Rose

The door emblazoned with the Crystal Gems' signature star had never looked so terrifying.

The temple's door was menacing, towering above him, its ancient symbols foreboding. With the gems away, he knew what lay beyond would be lifeless. The only thing he would find would be painful reminders.

Once upon a time, Steven Universe would have done anything to go through those doors and uncover the temple's secrets. It held a powerful, siren-like mystique, reflective of his perspective on the Crystal Gems themselves. He wanted to enter their rooms, enter their world and be part of it.

It was strange, looking back, when he now felt a desperate urge to run far, far away. Soon, he would. But he had to take care of his affairs first.

A familiar, calloused hand squeezed his.

"You sure you're ready for this?"

He glanced sidelong towards his companion, his friend, his better half, his soulmate - words that had been tried but always seemed so inadequate for the depth of their bond. Connie's eyes bore intently into him, gauging him with concern. It was not an uncommon glance from her these past few months. He had made a reluctant peace with the need for it.

"I talked it over with my therapist. She thinks it should be okay."

"You keep saying that. But do you think it's okay, right now? You don't have to go through with this."

A part of him, growing more and more distressed by the moment, wanted to heed those words. To walk away with Connie and go do something fun. To just run, retreat and forget about this absurd idea.

To be content with what peace he had once found in the knowledge that _he_ was not _her_. Of course, fleeing is exactly the kind of thing she would do.

"I have to do this." He stared forward, resolute, concentrating hard on making the door seem less frightening. "For me."

Connie squeezed his hand again, before letting go. She managed a small smile, but it did not quite reach her eyes. "Alright. Just keep in mind you can leave there at any time. And I'll be right here waiting when it's over."

He beamed back at her, feeling a powerful surge of affection rise through him, eternally grateful about the strange twists of fate that had brought her into his universe - and her insistence on staying there through it all. He reached out and grabbed her hand, leaning over to plant a quick peck on her cheek.

"Thanks, Connie," he said, voice steady, using his lightened heart to let go and plunge forward into Rose's room.

"...Don't mention it," he heard Connie reply lowly before the door to the outside world slammed shut behind him.

The bright, white and pink cloudscape of his mother's magical space never failed to take his breath away. At first glance, there was always something strangely calming about the endless expanse. It was not a forced sort of emotion, as he felt when Blue Diamond hit him with happy-filled clouds. It was a more natural reaction, like the sensation of coming home, into a space that belonged to you.

But as with all the things his mother left behind, there was more going on beneath the surface.

Steven took a deep breath. In. Out. He clasped his hands in front of him, finding some semblance of his centre to brace himself for the storm that would come.

He closed his eyes. Without a word, he summoned her.

The sound of the wooshing movement of the clouds was far too fast. A poof rang loudly in his ears, heralding the birth of the being from his mind's eye. The beginning of a difficult farewell.

Steven opened his eyes again to see the face he had been dreading. There she was, still tall and mighty as ever, but with a serene grace that could put people at ease. Her long, pink curls, her flowy, white dress, and her wide, calming smile combined to create what he still found to be an unparalleled picture of beauty.

He gulped, squinting his eyes. She was still hard to look at, but he had come too far to turn away now.

"Hi, Mom. We should talk."

Her gentle, happy expression did not shift in the slightest. "Of course, Steven. I would love to talk."

With a sigh, Steven stepped toward the image of his mother, who mirrored his footsteps. He stopped until they were a couple of feet apart, the wondrous warmth of her eyes more easily felt. He blushed under her gaze, before sitting down cross-legged, the softness of the clouds living up to metaphor.

Rose mimicked him again, shifting her form to sit across from him. She clasped her wide, gentle-looking hands before her, motioning her head slightly, asking him to speak.

Steven took in a deep breath. It was Rose who spoke first.

"Steven, I just wanted to say, I'm sorry." The smile ran away from her face and her gaze faltered away from him. A deep frown, unlike any he had ever seen on her, blossomed upon her visage. Her hands shifted, fingers tapping along the folds of her dress. "I put you through so much because of what I did. I never meant for any of that, but I'm sorry."

"I knew you would be," Steven replied simply. He dug his fingers into his jeans but did his utmost to keep his face neutral. He did not know how long he would be able to keep this going. He feared what might happen if he released all of the emotions that were desperate to burst out of him at once.

Rose darted her eyes upwards, glancing at him for a moment, before turning away to stare out in the clouds. "You did so much better than anyone could expect. You've done so much more than I ever could have dreamed of. You...you took care of them, Steven. Better than I did."

She looked towards him again, the glowing smile returning to her face once more.

"I'm so proud of you."

Steven took a shuddery breath at those words, gulping back the difficult mixture of joy and sorrow they evoked.

"You know, once, I would have done anything to hear you say that." He watched as his mother leaned back slightly, neutral again, taking in every word he said intently. "I wanted so badly to live up to everything you were. To be strong like you, kind like you, to _love_ like you. I was always chasing your legacy."

He reached over to lift his black undershirt, displaying the pink gem she bestowed to him. He noticed her eyebrows quirk up, her head tilting slightly as she copied him, shifting her own hands to rest closer to her uncovered gem.

"You gave me everything you were. It was a lot to live up to."

"I never wanted that. I just wanted you, to be you, Steven. I knew you'd be extraordinary and special no matter what you decided. I loved everything and anything you could be."

An unfortunate, prickly mist started to form in his eyes. He took another couple of breaths, trying to rein in the haywire emotions of his inner-child, that part of him that just wanted to leap into her arms and let her endlessly whisper such sweet compliments to him. He could see her smiling gently under his watery gaze, as sure a pillar as there ever was.

But he knew she would crumble.

"It didn't matter what you wanted," Steven murmured after a while. He rubbed a sleeve across his eyes, composing himself. He unchained another part of his feelings toward her. Dangerous as those feelings could be - had proven to be - he knew it was necessary.

He affixed with her a contemptuous glare, pouring his anger into his look, mind flashing to all the times he had been attacked for being part of her legacy. He watched as her eyes widened, her hands falling to her sides. She leaned back as if pushed by an invisible force.

"Everyone saw you in me, whether you wanted it or not. I couldn't choose to be your son. I had to live with your mistakes - and fix them because you chose not too."

"Steven, I-"

"But I thought I had gotten past that. That I finally understood that _I_ wasn't _you_." He rose to his feet, the buried feelings forcing him to stand. The bright lights of the rooms faded, reading his mood, as dark clouds began to roll in. "After everything I saw, I didn't want to be like you anymore."

She stood up with him as the sky above started to drizzle. Her face lost any trace of its usual calm, her eyes lighting up in alarm, her mouth forming into a grimace that seemed wholly alien on her. Her hair started to shift upward, charged by some unseen energy, her curls losing their perfection.

"I never wanted you to be like me!" Rose shouted at him, her voice rising with the storm, her eyes darting to and fro with uncertainty at the shifting clouds around them. "I wanted you to be you. I wanted you to be something different."

Steven balled his hands into fists, His fingers punctured into the skin of his palms, stinging slightly, keeping him grounded in the moment. A bolt of lightning punctured through the room, bathing everything in a flash. The roaring boom of thunder that followed startled Rose, causing her to jump slightly.

The space had unravelled faster than he anticipated. He had less time for the nostalgic image of his mother than he realized.

He took one last glance at her face. He noticed tears starting to leak at her eyes, matching his own again, mixing with the rain splashing down on both of them. It was cold. She tried to give him a shaky smile, reaching a hand out halfheartedly, as if waiting for a command to rush over and comfort him.

Steven turned his back to her, unable to face the broken image any longer.

"But I wasn't over it. And then I started making so many mistakes, just like you did."

The ground shook beneath him. He looked down to see cracks forming beneath the surface, destabilizing the foundation of the room. Steven planted his feet more firmly into the floor, intent on not losing his footing. The rain poured harder, soaking him from head to toe, embedding a chill onto his skin.

"I did what I had to to be free."

He turned around to regard her once more. There she was, tall, thinly, wearing a regal pink gown with a strange, perfectly quaffed ball of hair atop her head. Pink Diamond.

Gone was any fleeting sense of warmth he could find from the image of Rose Quartz. All he could feel was an icy disdain when he looked at the person his mother - that he - once was. The rain splashed across her cheeks but did not sully her perfectly symmetrical face. She answered his glare, staring down at him from on high.

Before he knew what was happening, Steven could feel his rage at the figure erupt within him, unmitigated by any semblance of a child's love.

"You ran away from all your problems." He took a step forward, pointing a finger at her, the ground rumbling beneath his feet once more. Pink's face suddenly lost its composure, her eyes widening with fear as she stepped away from him. She cried out as she lost her footing, stumbling backwards, but managing to stop herself by kneeling.

"You turned yourself into someone else to get away from everything, and then did it again by having me!"

"No, Steven, that's not true!" Pink tried to retort, but stopped, her voice suddenly vanishing from her lips. Her image flickered for a moment, her head momentarily becoming that of Rose Quartz again, appearing unsettlingly pudgy atop Pink's body, an image out of a funhouse mirror.

"I told myself I wasn't like you. That I was something different. I wouldn't abandon anyone like you did." His hand flew to his face, squeezing as his tears flowed freely. He maintained his glare at her between the spaces of his fingers. A half-sob shuddered through him, the lightning booming in tune with his anguish. "But I ran away from my problems, just like you did. I hurt everyone around me - _my family_ \- by not facing my problems."

Her head shifted again, becoming Pink Diamond's once more.

"I didn't...I'm not…" she did not look directly at him as her mouth mumbled along haplessly. The rain started to sully her hair, causing it to sink under the weight of all the water, slowly stretching downward toward her shoulders. "I just wanted to protect Earth. To set gems free. To protect it from my family. They were going to destroy it. You understand that, don't you?"

"Oh, I understand the problems with _your_ family. _Our_ family. Which _I_ had to deal with because _you_ didn't!" He stomped on the ground, a crack forming beneath his foot. He glanced down to see some kind of endless, dark void beneath the opened gap in the floor, but he refused to let that stop him.

"Steven-" Pink started to say, pointing at the increasingly dangerous state of the room, eyes imploring him to halt.

He persisted.

"But what right do I have to get mad at you?! I kept secrets! I told lies! I _shattered_ someone, which was what made me doubt you in the first place! I tried to kill the same person you fought a war against! I BECAME A MONSTER!"

He could feel his gem pulse painfully, an echo of the rampaging emotions that had led him down a dark path. But he did not turn pink, did not grow any bigger. Even as the thunder, lightning and rain raged all around them, the storm clouds slowly shrinking the infinite space, he felt more in control than he was back then. He would not lose himself.

"Steven…" it was Pink's face, but Rose's motherly voice emanated from it, filled with kindness. "None of that was-"

"No! I know what it was!" He balled his fists beside him, staring down at the cracked floor, the once pink surface drained of all its colour, replaced with the storm clouds ensnaring them.

"I BECAME EVERYTHING I HATE ABOUT YOU!"

His empowered shout rippled through the air, twisting the storm clouds around them. The ground gave way beneath them, splitting apart, forcing Steven to immediately jump to a more stable spot to avoid falling into the emptiness below. He suddenly felt a rush of wind around his ears and looked up, eyes widening as he saw the air rapidly twist around them, the clouds coalescing to create a vortex, bringing him and Pink closer together.

For a split second, Steven saw her. They were barely two feet apart now. He could see her quivering, her eyes leaking as many tears as his were, her head moving about rapidly to process everything happening. She wrapped her arms around herself, fingers clenched tightly.

She was as lost as he was.

The two were thrown upwards into the air, the winds too strong. They screamed in unison, twisting and turning, unable to find any sense of direction. He lost sight of her, tossed about, moving at speeds which made everything blur together. Steven tried to orient himself, the wind making it hard to open his eyes or get a sense of anything. He concentrated hard, his body clenching as he conjured a bubble to surround himself. It did not stop the disorienting spinning, but it allowed him to breathe a little easier and clear his head.

"Losing control, losing control...find yourself Steven…" he muttered, taking racing breaths, tears still streaming down his drenched face. "Easy...find your centre...it will pass...let it out...let it go…"

His mind momentarily clear, he focused all of himself to give a command to the room, shouting it out at the top of his lungs:

"STOP! RESET!"

As quickly as it came, the vortex disappeared. The storm was gone, replaced by the familiar array of pink and white clouds. The light shining from the sky had returned, giving the space its warm glow again.

Steven found himself falling rapidly - he had somehow ended up about 40 feet above the ground. He dissipated his bubble to activate his float powers and reached the surface with control, gently stepping onto it with his left foot forward. He was back where he had started again.

He let himself collapse to the floor completely, burying his face into his palms as another sob wracked through him. He let himself feel everything - the guilt, the anger, the sorrow, twisting around his insides.

No. He could not break down, not completely. He had to hold it in a little longer. He was not finished yet.

Steven clasped his hands together, finding his breath again. For a moment, he imagined all those negative emotions flying away from him. Just for a little while.

"Steven…" he heard her voice from behind him, tentative, unsure. Not the voice of the unshakeable leader who had led a rebellion. The voice of a lost soul. "You're not like me. You're you. You saved the universe. You did more than I ever could."

Steven stood up again, wiping his face with his sleeve. He adjusted his now haphazard pink jacket, making a half-hearted attempt to smooth himself out.

He turned to gaze upon his mother. She was Rose again, though unlike any Rose he had ever seen. Her hair was a complete rat's nest, the curls haphazard, ends sticking out everywhere. Her dress had various tears, as if sliced apart by unseen blades. Her face was stricken with raw grief, scrunched, tears falling down her plump cheeks. Her hands shook, unable to calm the swell of despair overtaking her.

"You put me on a pedestal. Just like everyone else. You're wrong," Steven replied. He settled himself across from her, watching her as she cried, her beautiful voice lost to ugly weeping. "But I get it now. I understand getting trapped by other people's expectations. You became everything to them. Nobody ever really got to see this side of you, did they?"

Rose did not look up to him, but she shook her head, her hair thrashing wildly about behind her.

"I...I couldn't. The Diamonds, they never understood. They would never listen to me. And the gems...I didn't mean for it to happen but they couldn't really understand, either. Everything just spiralled out of my control and I...I didn't know what to do. But I didn't want to hurt anyone more than I already had."

She stopped herself with a fresh round of tears. It hurt Steven a lot seeing her like that. Watching her acknowledge everything brought him no joy, as he had sometimes dreamed it would. He was left with a mixture of sympathy, pity, and love, but there was no pleasure to be extracted from this.

"I'm a fraud. A failure. I'm so, so sorry Steven."

"I think you would really say that. Eventually," he whispered to himself, low enough that she could not hear, though the room might hear it anyway.

He moved forward, taking slow steps towards her. He watched her, a broken figure, collapsed into herself, shattered apart.

Steven gently put his hand atop hers, squeezing. He was amazed by how soft and real it felt, so warm, and found himself yearning for his mother's touch again. She paused in her sobs, uncovering her eyes to look at him, squinting between the tears.

"Nobody was ever a Rose to you, were they?" He let the question hang in the air, watching intently as her eyes flew wide, her mouth hanging open loosely. "I was a lot luckier than you were. I guess I have you to thank for that. You left me in good hands."

"Steven...I-"

He interrupted her with a hug, grabbing onto her tightly, breathing her in the way he always longed to when he was young. He squeezed hard, trying to convey that desperate, childhood love he still had for her, at the end of it all. The love he still could not help but have for her even as the young man he had become.

"It's going to be okay," he said, softly stroking the tangles out of her long hair. "You did so, so much good, Mom. You saved this planet. Saved gems. I know how hard it was for you. It's okay."

He lost sight of her face, staring out into the pink of her frazzled curls. He felt her strong arms wrap around him. Her face found a nook in his shoulder, sending it awash in her misery. The force of her weeping ripped through her core, and into his smaller frame.

"This is...Steven I…" she whimpered, struggling to find the words. "This is supposed to be about _you_."

"Old habits die hard, I guess," he murmured in reply, rubbing comforting circles into her back. like his dad often would for him.

They held each other just like that for a while, their tears soaking into one another, their sorrowful hearts fusing, beating in unison. Through all his attempts, all his efforts to get closer to his mother, Steven realized this had been the most successful.

When he realized he was not his mother, but his mother was like _him_.

"I'm going to be leaving soon. I don't know when I'll be back," he murmured into her hair after a while, as the worst of her sobs subsided.

"I know," she replied, holding him more tightly. "You need to chart your own path into this wonderful world. I'm so happy you're doing this. I love the idea."

"I'm not sure if I'll even enter this place again, to be honest with you." He closed his eyes, breathing in her strong floral scent, far too reminiscent of her namesake. "It's hard."

"That's okay. I understand." She disentangled herself from him, Steven quickly missing the tranquil warmth of her embrace. She held his shoulders at arms' length, regarding him properly. Her hair was still dishevelled, and her face still drenched. But her serene smile had returned, offering a surprising amount of comfort. "You have your own life to live. You should be free, without being burdened by me."

His heart panged painfully at that, but he gritted his teeth and pushed through that feeling. "There's one more thing I wanted to do before I leave. One more gift I wanted to give you. A memory I want you to keep."

"Of course. Whatever you want."

Steven sighed, releasing himself from her hold entirely. He took a seat next to her, sitting cross-legged again. She smiled over at him, scooching over to push her side against his.

He gulped, focusing for a moment. With a poof, clouds formed into a small television and VCR, a replica of the ones in his room. The familiar sight of the waves appeared on the screen, the film choppy with a homemade charm.

He did not need the physical tape to play the video. He knew it by heart.

The temple. Cut. The beach again. Cut. His dad, dancing goofily across the screen. A peal of laughter from a woman off-camera.

"What are you doing?" the disembodied voice asked.

"I remember…" Rose whispered next to him, mirth in her tone. "It was so much fun to make this."

"It looked like it," Steven replied. Despite everything that happened, the video still brought him peace - and longing. "You two sounded like you were really in love."

"We were." Rose laughed as Greg strummed on his guitar with a pair of corny shades on, pointing outwards with determination. "I'm glad you could find love too, Steven."

Connie's face appeared in his mind, and he idly wondered how she was doing, waiting for him when this was over. It was nice to know there would be a light to guide him out of this. "Yeah."

"Isn't it remarkable Steven? This world is full of so many possibilities."

It was not just the screen speaking now. The woman next to him was, too, creating a strange harmony.

"Each living thing has an entire, unique experience. The sights they see, the sounds they hear. The lives they live are so complicated. And so simple."

The video paused for a moment. Steven sighed, leaning into his mother's shoulder, enjoying the remnants of her presence. "It meant the world to hear you talk to me for the first time. I thought I would have moved on now. But I can't. I still can't help but love you when I watch this."

The tape continued. The room joined it.

"Steven, we can't both exist."

"I know. You're gone now."

"I'm going to become half of you."

He rubbed at his gem. He sniffled. "Yeah."

"And I need you to know. That every moment, you love being yourself, that's me. Loving you and loving being you."

Steven whimpered, shutting his eyes under the strain. "It's hard, but I'll try to do it."

"Because you're going to be something extraordinary. You're going to be a human being."

"Yeah. I know." He spoke lowly now, far more quietly than any human ear could hear. "I can't ignore that part of me anymore."

"Take care of them, Steven."

He let out a shuddering breath, reaching out suddenly to grab his mother's soft hands. Rose turned to him, smiling, any trace of sadness now gone from her.

"I will."

As the video continued behind him, Rose and Greg leaning down to share a lover's kiss, Steven lifted himself in time with them. He pressed his lips upon his mother's cheek, her smile fading.

Steven leaned over to whisper into her ear, wrapping his arms around her at the same time.

"I forgive you."

He had wondered whether it was pointless to forgive a dead person. It would do no good for her. But as difficult as it was - as much as a huge part of him wanted to hang onto those bitter feelings for as long as he lived - he knew it would do him no good. It would take time. It would take longer than this. But he had to let those feelings go.

He did not know how to forgive himself for walking in some of her worst footsteps. But he hoped this would help.

Steven buried himself into her shoulder again. He felt the lifeless clouds morph and shift within his arms. He oscillated between holding nothing and everything, a painful reminder of the limitations of her room.

Finally, another pair of arms wrapped around him. They were pleasant, strong, warm as a day at the beach. Familiar, yet not overly so. Not too big, not too little, just right. Squeezing him as hard as he squeezed back.

Steven let out a wail when he realized. He rushed to disentangle himself, leaning back to regard the image the room had conjured.

There he was. Himself. Pink, glowing, beaming at the other half. His gem half had grown like he had, wearing the same clothes, growing the same height. There was none of the deformity from the mental breakdown. His other half was a proper echo, a perfect, pink reflection.

"Why…" Steven whispered, utterly befuddled, unable to look away. He could feel the stinging around his eyes, tired as they were from all the crying already. "Why did the room show me you? Did I...want that?"

His other half smiled at him. The voice that came out was bizarre, a mixture of his own, his mother's, and someone else he could not recognize. It was beautiful. It rang through the entirety of the space, stretching on into the infinite.

"Thank you."

The figure stepped forward, fading in tufts of cloud, just as it would have crashed into him.

Steven was alone again, the room as pure as when he first entered it. He stood up, stretching, his limbs suddenly feeling heavy with weariness. His mind struggled to process everything that unfolded.

He placed a hand to the star on his shirt, and the gem hidden beneath the cloth. He squeezed lightly, feeling the hard texture within the fat of his belly. His halves seamlessly attached.

With a smile, he summoned the exit to the room, the door to the temple appearing before him.

"Well...goodbye, then." He turned one last time to the place that was hers. Theirs. "Thanks for everything."

Steven blinked as he re-entered his home, his eyes struggling to adjust to the difference in light. He glanced out the window and realized nightfall had come; he must have been inside the room for a few hours. The space was practically empty. But sure as she said, Connie was there, sitting on the couch, eyes staring off into nothingness, lips pressed into clasped hands.

Her eyes rolled over toward him and she was pouncing before he could react.

"Steven!"

Connie's hands were on his arms quickly. She wrapped them carefully around him, pulling him back into reality. The now. The future.

"Are you okay? How did it go? What happened?" Connie bombarded him with the questions that had built up over the hours. Steven blinked, dumbfounded, suddenly unable to find words. "Sorry, I'm probably asking too much. Take your time, we can go sit-"

"Thanks, Connie," he finally managed, giving her a grin. "It went...it went well. I got to see her and talk to her and-"

His grief overcame him once more. In a rush, a sob stole away his words and his legs gave way under the weight of it all. As the world turned dark, his eyes no longer willing to see it, he could feel Connie pull him in tightly, anchoring him in place as they fell to the floor.

"You were really brave," she whispered gently as her fingers stroked his hair. "I'm here for you."

Steven let out all of his misery, knowing now how little good it would do to hide it. He wept for the loss of a mother he never knew, those old scars aching again. He wept for the mistakes they made and how he wished they were avoided. He wept in sweet relief, for the experience was over. He wept because he knew, when this was all over, he would be able to move on.

The future was bright.

**Author's Note:**

> I adored the SU finale. I cried a lot. But there was one missing farewell that I couldn't help but write.
> 
> I can understand why the Crewniverse didn't want to drudge up Rose too much after spending five seasons on her. But I couldn't help but want something a bit redemptive after the events of S5. She did a lot of terrible things, but she became a better person, too. Seeing Steven stumble so much in SU Future made me think of how those experiences might reconnect them.
> 
> Well, I hope you all enjoyed! Please leave a kudos and a comment if you did! ^_^


End file.
